Happy Halloween

Happy HalloweenMy three trick-or-treaters ready to go out to get some sweets. Sam is Peter from Narnia, Nate changed his costume to an army soldier (he was Edmund from Narnia) and Emma is Jo-Jo the clown (the hat doesn't fit).
Sam with all their loot from this evening. Can you believe someone actually hands out a full size Reese's? Good for me:)
Here I am with Emma's hat ready to give out some candy.
I love carving pumpkins. I surprised the boys with this one and they cannot say thank you enough. They got all exited when they saw it.
The turkey I do every year.

And what would Halloween be without a haunted house.

Ramblings of a father to be (again)

I don't think I have ever posted on a blog before. However, I am Lenka's editor and tend to put my two cents in when I edit her blog entries anyway. Now since we received our referral I feel compelled to at least share some thoughts on this stage of the adoption process.

As a father who has three biological children the 10 months of physical pregnancy was always more of a theoretical relationship rather then a practical relationship. Sure you are excited and in awe of the entire process but the actual bonding, at least for my part, didn't fully occur until I saw those little crinkly faces and held them for the first time. Prior to birth it was much more of a concern for Lenka rather then child. I don't remember if Lenka shared this on this blog but before we had Sam (our first) we went through a series of at least six first trimester miscarriages. Lenka took these very hard. She grieved for the lost child. I had some grief for the lost child but my grieving was much more for Lenka then for the child. I was hurting because she was hurting. Not until the three of them were born did I actually feel like I fully bonded with them. It wasn't a conscious effort it just happened. All of sudden you had this little person you were responsible for and it was 100% natural for me to take on the role of fatherhood. No regrets just the sheer exhilaration of being a proud new father.

When we started the adoption process we began a very extensive paper gathering process affectionately called a paper pregnancy. I lived and breathed every milestone of the paper pregnancy and I bonded with the concept of adoption. I think that if we didn't make it through paper pregnancy I would have taken the rejection personally and had a hard time coping with the fact that someone felt we had certain shortcomings or failures that would disqualify us from being acceptable parents to an adopted child. It was an emotionally draining experience for me. These types of feelings seem to be much more the type of maternal feelings that Lenka experienced during the miscarriages and pregnancy rather then the bystander feelings I had felt during her pregnancies. However, once the paper pregnancy was completed I went into a much more traditional waiting bystander mode similar to the feelings I had while waiting for the birth of our children. Lenka however went into pregnancy mode. The paperwork was done and somewhere in Ethiopia was a little girl that was hers. Lenka was nesting and preparing for the upcoming changes in her life. She started going through another pregnancy.

On October 19th we received the referral for a little two month old girl who turned three months old today. When I saw that goofy little grin for the first time this child was born to me. I instantly bonded. I became a proud father for the 4th time. Although I have never held her she is just as real to me in my mind as my other children. I constantly have her picture open on my work computer and catch myself taking peeks at her throughout the day. People must think I am weird because I just start laughing when I see her. However, the fatherly instincts in me are just breaking. God has given father's a natural disposition to be the protector and provider for their families. Every ounce of me wants to hold this child and let her know everything is fine and you are home now. In a much more perfect way God the Father sees us in much the same way. He knows who we are and he knows the number of hairs on our head. He longs for us to rest in his arms and trust in him as our protector and provider. In a way I believe that moment of birth is probably the closest representation of God's love for us. The parents best attempt at unconditional love for the child and the child's utter dependence on the parents. From that moment on the relationship begins to to loose it's purity because of sin on both sides. If you know me well you know that I am the biggest pushover for little infants. I am sad that I won't have that initial time with this little one. We will probably have her home by the time she is six months old. By then she will already be starting down her own path to independence. She will be dependent on us for many years to come but never like a newborn being held for the first time.

The picture of a father's love and the child's dependence is a beautiful but very flawed representation of God's unconditional love for us. After a few day's a new father begins to complain about getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, or just being inconvenienced (although compared to mom he has it pretty easy). On the child's part their sinful nature begins to manifest itself more and more. My two year old daughter still loves it when I come home from work. She still runs up to me and gives me a big hug and a big smile. The boys still welcome me but are more busy and have their own activities and concerns. I see my failings when I tell the kid's that I am too busy or tired to spend time with them. Don't get me wrong I love my kids very much and love to spend time with them and feel we have a wonderful relationship. I also realize that this desire for independence is a natural and good thing. It is just not the perfect relationship that God yearns for with his children. So what does that leave me with? Well ultimately our hope lies in our heavenly Father. Here is the perfect father. He has time to listen to all your problems, wipe your tears away, and give you comfort when no one else can. So you pray that your children will one day come to the realization that although their earthly father has shortcomings their heavenly Father doesn't and loves them unconditionally. It seems rather ironic that the picture of God's love for us is best represented at a child's birth but isn't manifested until death when God finally welcomes you into His arms of eternal rest.

I've rambled on long enough and hopefully not to philosophically for you. I can't wait to hold this little one for the first time. I look forward to the fact that one day she will be my daughter. I look forward to watching her grow from a baby into a woman who trusts and obeys her heavenly Father. What a wonderful day it will be we can pray together (along with the rest of the kiddos) Abba Father to the only one that can meet all our needs.

Peace

Fil

Prayer day

Our AWAA YG (yahoo group) put together a prayer chain throughout the month of October and November. I wanted to let you know that we have been praying for you all. I even organized my blog roll and had this whole blog entry ready with people and their blogs and where they are in the process. Fil thought since it contained what might be personal information and to be safe I shouldn't post it. Anyway we are thinking of you all and we are so blessed to be part of this journey God put ahead of us. We are rejoicing with each step for everybody. We follow most of your journeys though your blogs and web sites and we are looking forward to see more babies coming home soon.

What a blessing.

X-mas list for 2007

Ok, the boys have come up with their Christmas wishes. Sam loves anything to do with Star Wars so anything that will have that name on it will do. However My 5 year old came up with another unique request. It started with him asking me what does a bugs skin looks like. I told him that I have no idea and that he should go outside and catch a bug and look. He gave me that "thinking hard" look and announced that he would like microscope for Christmas so he look at the bugs skin. He is only 5 (ok he will be 6 next month). Anyway what am I going to to with that child.

A few years back Sam's request was a key. Just plain key. I know we have weird kids but we love them very much. The cashier at Home depot looked at Fil funny when he bought a plain old key and told him that was for his son for Christmas. I know we will never forget that. I cannot wait for next year.
On the other hand Emma loves anything Dora. She found this book at the bookstore one time and she loves her since (I did let her watch a few Dora shows on tv as well).

We sure will have a blast X-mas shopping this year.

And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation.

Genesis 2:2-3

Infidel

One of my friends recommended this book to me a few weeks back. I am now recommending to all of you. I couldn't put this book down until I finished this amazing yet scary story. Infidel is an autobiographical book by Ayaan Hirsi Ali. I am not very good at writing reviews on my own. Here is Synopsis from Wikepedia web site.




Hirsi Ali writes about her youth in Somalia, Saudi Arabia, Ethiopia and Kenya Also about her flight to the Netherlands where she applied for political asylum, her university experience in Leiden, her work for the Labour Party and her transfer to the People's Party for Freedom and Democracy. The book ends with her return to the Tweede Kamer (Dutch parliament), after two months following the murder of Theo van Gogh, with whom she made the film Submission.




Let me know what you thought about it.

TREASU(RED)

So for those who do not know yet: Gap has some of their RED baby outfits on sale. Online and in the store.
So you can imagine that I ran to the Gap store to get few. They are small sizes but I did get one T-shirt for Emma so the girls will be all set for next summer.
Happy shopping everybody.

Rocket Man

boys after dad's and uncle Vit's own heart



If you ask Fil or his brother what is one of the best movies ever they will both say without thinking:"Rocketman". I was introduced to this phenomenal movie after we got married. Since we lived with Fil's brother for a while before we bought our first house I have seen this movie way too many times.

Every Sunday night we host a Bible study at our place. We usually let the kids watch a movie upstairs in our bedroom. This Sunday Fil thought it was about time to introduce the boys to this movie. We heard them laughing hard the whole time. They think it is the best movie ever and keep repeating passages from this movie even though they saw it only once. I had to put a stop to it by Monday night before I completely lost it. Anyone else with a family member who knows this movie?

And you wonder why we are adopting a girl.

Pile of Leaves and Kids

Our whole back and front yard is covered with leaves. You can only imagine how much fun the kids are having.
After they made a big pile of leaves all by themselves they had leaf war going on.
Emma ready to play as well.
She is a cute little girl but let me tell you she is no pushover. I guess two older brothers made her a tough cookie.
I am still looking for the nicest leaf. I have more and I will share them later.
This is my favorite picture of Sam.
And here is Nate. That child never stays clean very long.
Emma did not like laying in the leaves.
Two scare crows. Sam with one of our neighbor's kids.
Do you think they had a good time?
We had to bag all the leaves so it would not destroy the grass. We bagged over 4 big garbage bags and there is more leaves in our yard. I guess tomorrow they will get to make another pile.

Traveling

I know I haven't written about our travel plans yet. There has also been a discussion about bringing children with us on our yahoo group.
First of all Fil and I will both be going to pick up our daughter in Ethiopia. We are both looking forward to this trip. I have mixed feelings since I have never been in third world country (I am not counting a day trip to Mexico). I am sure it will be life changing experience for both of us.

The big question is if our kids are coming with us. At this point I have to say no. There are many reasons but the main one would be finances. Since we will only have few weeks warning before we travel it makes the whole trip expensive. I guess that solves our dilemma right from the start. We have traveled a lot with our kids since they were very little. We took Sam to Europe when he was only 4 months old and all the kids have been to Europe at least once. We have made frequent trips of 8 hours or more out west and on the east coast. All in all I can say that all of our kids are very good travelers. Both Fil and I are very familiar with travel in Europe and it will be our first trip to Africa so we don't really know what to expect. We are talking different food, environment .... etc. One of the main reasons we wouldn't take the kids is that we noticed is some people get really sick during the visit. With three kids and a new little one it would get a little bit complicated if we got sick. It would also be tough if one of the kids got sick. We are looking forward to seeing as much as possible, specifically and AIDS clinic that our denomination runs, and if we had the kids with us we would have to slow down a little. We know that our kids will be in very good hands while we are gone and it will be easier on me not the think about 3 more people. I am sure we will miss them very much but a week will go fast. We debated on bringing at least one of them. Sam would get a lot from this trip on the other hand Emma could bond with her new sister. Both boys could make new friends in the orphanage and see the world outside of the USA.

This is a unique opportunity and I believe that one day we will all be able to visit this beautiful country.

Labor pains

I am sure all of you will enjoy this labor story.

After we got the referral last Friday and stared at the picture of our little girl for some time I told Fil that is was the easiest labor I've ever had. Fil looked at me smiling and saying that I am probably enjoying this. I responded, "Now pull out the checkbook and lets write some checks". I guess in a way we are experiencing a different type of labor pain. For those who went through this process know what I am talking about. At this point of our adoption we had to write two big checks (yes they are big) . After this the last major expense will be our travel expenses.

Sunday

Fall and Referral Story

Here are the pictures I promised of fall colors in New England. This year it has been exceptionally beautiful outside. Each time we get to go out we are admiring God's creation. This is a view from our front yard. I took this picture this evening. I just couldn't resist. The colors and the light it all looked so perfect.
Now that we calmed down a little bit after we got the great news I wanted to share with all of you how the referral happened.
It all started a exactly a week ago. Fil skipped his 6:00 am prayer meeting at church on Friday and got rear ended on his way to work. Nobody got hurt it was just a big pain since he was late to work, paperwork around it etc. We all joked that Sunday that it happened because he skipped the prayer meeting on Friday. The next Friday (yesterday) he had an appointment for his next round of shots for our trip to Ethiopia. Since he had the accident last Friday he also needed to take the car in for repair estimates so he ended up just taking the entire day off.
So here we are Friday morning. Fil made it to the prayer meeting this time and he was even able to go for his run before his shots. After that he got his car checked and made it home before lunch.

Now Friday is the very last day I would ever expect a referral call to come. Monday maybe and definitely not Tuesday since our coordinator is off that day. I always thought it would be Wednesday maybe Thursday. We also exchanged few e-mail with our coordinator during the week and we were definitely not under the impression that a referral was imminent.

After our normal school time in the morning we all got to sit down for lunch with Fil. I have to say that I had a blog entry prepared on how sad we were not getting referral this week. However, I was quite at peace with it. I was not expecting a phone call at all.

After lunch I was testing the boys for Bible verses they learned this week for Awana. Sam was saying this verse from Hebrews 13:5 at the moment the phone rang;

... be content with what you have,

because God has said,

"Never will I leave you ; never will I forsake you."

I remember reminding myself to be happy with where we are. God is in control and it will all happen in His time not mine.

This is a view into our neighborhood.
When the phone rang I looked at the caller ID and I didn't recognize the number. From previous phone calls from Laurel it always showed AWAA this time it said American (not America) World. Since Fil has been looking for a new life insurance policy and every other insurance company has the word American in it I didn't think this could be it. I heard a very happy voice on the other line and I froze. Fil looked at me what was wrong and I kept thinking. This cannot be it. It's Friday. Maybe she is calling about the e-mails from earlier in the week. Anyway yes it was the referral we have been waiting for some time. Fil picked up the other phone. The kids started dancing around the house and clapping.


You know the rest. In a way I am happy Fil had the accident last Friday. We got to hear the great news together. We opened the e-mail and immediately called all the grandparents and Fil's brother. I have no idea how but we managed to write blog entry with our emotions going all over the place. We couldn't calm down for some time. We got a terrible nights sleep last night and are looking forward to more rest tonight.
Yes, the leaves get very red.
Thank you to all of you who left messages for us either on our blog, on the Yahoo group, or by e-mail. We are now in the next phase of waiting. We'll have to send some more paperwork back to our agency and after that we will wait for the court date. We are not allowed to share much so you will have to wait a little bit longer.
I hope all of you enjoyed this fall story of ours and we are looking forward to the adventure God has planned for us.
I saved my favorite picture for tomorrow's blog entry. So you will have to come back to see it.

Referral

WE HAVE A LITTLE GIRL!!!!

I don't even know where to begin. I was not expecting a phone call on Friday at all. Anyway today at noon we received a phone call from our adoption agency with a referral. She is a tiny little thing. She is only 2 months old and healthy.

As most of you know we cannot post picture of her until we go through our Court appointment for security reasons. We are now waiting to receive a packet by FedEx to review all the information we have. After that we will wait for our court day probably in about four weeks. That means we will be traveling sometime around Christmas.

We are so excited.

Oh sing to the Lord a new song;

sing to the Lord, all the earth!

Sing to the Lord, bless his name;

tell of his salvation from day to day.

Declare his glory among the nations,

his marvelous works among all the peoples!

Psalm 96:1-3

We are still working on the name.

Pumpkin patch

Today we worked on our own pumpkin patch with real pumpkins. I split the paper in half one for the boys and one for the girls
I cut small pumpkins in half and we use them as stamps. We all had a blast.
Kids hard at work.

Friends in Denver

Sometime all you need is a phone call from your old friend. Thanks Jin I needed that one today. This picture was taken 7 years ago in Denver. That is where Fil and I started our lives together. Our first son was born there and we have many great memories. We miss all of our friends very much and wish we could be together. As I am looking at this picture we all changed so much since. Some of us moved outside of Colorado but the biggest change is the number of kids. If I am counting right there is 14 children in this picture and 8 couples (one couple is missing and I believe at that time they had only 2 children). Ok so here is the change. I will start with us. 7 years ago we only had Sam now we have 3 kids plus one on the way from Ethiopia. Our dear friends Voelkelts only had one baby girl now they have 3 kids. The Spark had no kids now they are expecting their third one. The Kakac's had 2 kids, now they have 3 and expecting one from China. The Szabo's no kids, now 4. The Lawrie's, no kids now 2, the Gevara's 3 kids, now 4 (I think), the Martinez's 2 kids now 4. etc.... . You get the picture. If we would get together today there would be at least 29 children and counting.

Wow, I cannot believe how much God has blessed us all. I still remember our Bible studies together and the never ending prayer requests from all the girls, was baby.

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their home, they received their food with glad and generous hearts.

Acts 2:46

We miss you all!

Coffee

I enjoy a good strong cup of coffee. I am from Europe so you can say that I am very picky when it comes to coffee. Each time we go back I bring a lot of coffee from Europe. When we run out I settle on Starbucks most of the time. The other brand that I enjoy is from Sweden that you can get at Ikea (I haven't blogged about that store for a while). This week I found another favorite. I guess I never really thought about looking for coffee at Trader Joe's. I love that store and I know I heard before that their coffee is very good. Anyway last week I forgot to get coffee at the store and since I was at Trader Joe's I looked for coffee there and it is very good. Also as you can see I went for the one from Ethiopia with the Fair Trade mark. I highly recommend it especially since it is cheaper than Starbucks.
This is a picture of coffee farm in Costa Rica. Fil's parents took this picture on their trip this spring (either that or it was Fil's brother). As you might not know Ethiopia was the original source of the coffee bean, and coffee beans are the country's largest export commodity so you can imagine that I am very excited to go there and try it. I am also planning on bringing home as much as coffee as we can carry.

On another note there is no news with the adoption. We are still waiting for a phone call. The David's sent their paperwork exactly a day ahead of us so you better believe we hope it is coming soon. We also learned from a weekly update from our agency that referrals will be coming in batches rather than individually probably once a month maybe twice. I believe for us that travel before Christmas would probably require that we get the referral this week and it still would be tight.

It's the Fall, it's the Fall, it's the FALL!!!

This is my favorite time of the year. Well not the colder weather but the colors. The next two weeks will be the most colorful here in NH so if any of you want to come up you are more than welcome. Other than that I will try to get some pictures of the natural beauty God created for us to enjoy.

I am always looking for the "perfect" leaf. Are you too?

Here is Nate and Emma during Sam's soccer game this Saturday. As you can see it got chilly up in the North country. Sam's game was at 10am and we were still under blankets to stay warm. Nate's game was at 8 am so you can only imagine how cold it was. Even my coffee got cold in my coffee mug.
AAt the end of the day we sat down around our fire kettle in the backyard.

It's the fall, it's the fall, it's the fall.